While growing up, I’ve learned a lot about what it meant to be a Christian (and still am). Often, it’s through trial and error. And even more often, I think I’m doing everything alright, only to find out I’m completely looking at it all in the wrong way. I’m in no way a “perfect Christian” (whatever that is), and I still don’t think I have it all figured out today, and I don’t think I ever will. But let me tell you, through the grace of God, I’ve been able to learn a lot more on what it really means to be a Christian and know God.
Before, I used to have a bible verse in my bio because that’s “what Christians would do”. I now have a specific verse because that’s what I read when I was lost and hurting. That verse got me through a hard time of tears, fear, hopelessness. That verse speaks to me and heals my heart’s worries. When I used to sing along to worship songs it was because it was a pretty song and that’s just what you do. Now I sing because in that moment, I give up all my worries and lay it in God’s arms, I focus on him, & I worship Him because He’s worthy. Growing up I was afraid to tell people about Jesus, but now I look forward to opportunities where I am able to tell them of His love. Because I know that love, and it’s the reason I’m alive today. I’ve felt the pain, the loneliness, and the absent of hope that many others in the world are holding onto. And I want to show them true hope and true love. I used to think there was bad and good people, but now I see there’s only humans. Many of these humans have been hurt & have had made mistakes, but those don’t define them. They are so worthy of love. And they need to know this. A few years ago, I would think there was all these rules and laws because God wanted life to be boring, that they were too high to attain, that sin was just a way to make people feel bad about themselves & not good enough. And now, I see He has these things in place to keep me safe and free from hurtful consequences, and wants me to find joy and contentment in things that last, and things I am able to put my trust and hope in. And while I may not be perfect, and I still mess up lots, with His power, love, and sacrifice, I am able to be stronger and be free from my temptations & mistakes that I couldn’t rise above on my own before. Before I would do everything on my own, and worry about so many different things, while I said with my lips that I trusted Him. Now, I have to daily die to myself, my will, & my worries, so that I can rely on Him. I know so many things are out of my control, I know He cares, and has a plan. I used to say I knew Jesus loved me. While inside, I was struggling with self hate, no sense of purpose, and suicidal thoughts. Now, I feel His love, I KNOW His love. Before, being a Christian meant being a fan of God. Now, it’s being a friend of His.
It’s crazy to think how I had it so wrong. And a lot of times, I still do. Being a Christian and knowing God can be so different. A title is not a relationship. Knowing his law, but not his love is no way to live. I am beyond thankful God has shown me His love, and His authenticity throughout the years. Some days I’m a sucky friend, I forgot to talk to him, I don’t listen to what He says, and I completely spit in His face within my heart. I mess up big time. That’s why being a Christian should not be something to make you look good, but to make God look good. We didn’t do anything to save ourselves. He did and still does. It’s all in the grace and power of God. The real definition of a Christian is a broken person in need of a perfect Savior.
If you’re reading this and you’re a Christian or a believer and know God’s love, that’s amazing. Keep going and keep seeking his face. Maybe you’re not where you want to be. Maybe you struggle with such pain inside you, such a void. And maybe on top of all of that pain, you struggle with certain temptations. I get you. I’ve been there, and I still am there. While I can say I’m there struggling, I can look back and 100% say I’ve changed and grown, all because of the grace and power of Jesus. It’s a journey. Rely on Him, my friend. It’s not in your own strength. And God is not ashamed of you or mad at you. You are His child. Let Him love on you, help you, challenge you, grow you, and shape you.
And if you’re someone who may not believe, and have only seen the hatred & judgement that many Christians spew. And maybe you believe God is imaginary, or there’s a god out there that’s not Him, or that He’s someone full of hate. I want to let you know, there is a God and His name is Jesus. He isn’t someone who notices sin first, and you second. He looks at your heart. He sees your pain. He understands you’re tying to find your way. But He wants to help you do that. He loves you so much. He wants you to feel this love, this agape love, unconditional love. Not the conditional, fleeting, hurtful love that you’ve experienced in this world. He wants you to know your purpose, that you’re not here for a simple mistake caused by space matter colliding. I pray that you experience his real, solid, overwhelming, more than enough love that He gives. I hope you start to see His hand in your life. Look to the life of Jesus, realize He was a REAL man, and that he only preached love, not religion. Run to God, not away from Him. Talk to Him. He will rescue you, show you His love, and change your life from the inside out. “I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:4-5.
If you’ve made it this far into this post: first of all, wow. Second, of all, thank you so much. I want you to know once again, I am here for you. To listen, to comfort, & to be your friend. If you need someone to talk to, message me & get in contact with me! And as always, remember you are loved.
Lots of love,